Bittersweet

Today was my tenth and last National Day celebration in SCGS. As all celebrations would have it, there was a cheery mood in the air, everyone was smiling, laughing and just having a good time, soaking in the joyful atmosphere. Amidst the wide smiles and incessant laughter though, there was something different about this year’s celebration – at least to me, it was kind of sad.

I hadn’t been assigned to ushering duty this morning, but turns out the prefects doing ushering were rather shorthanded, so I figured I’d help. I grabbed a couple of programs and stood at the bus bay, greeting the parents that came, most of whom had daughters who were receiving awards or performing – family support is amazing! It was quite funny, having to lead each set of parents that came all the way to where the chairs were situated. The awkward situation forced me to make conversation with these parents, who were obviously more concerned with other things, such as whether they could spot their daughter amongst the crowd, when she would be receiving her award, what time she was supposed to perform, rather than with this strange girl who couldn’t stop smiling at them and was insisting on escorting them all the way to the flagpoles. There was this particular young man, together with an older man who I assume was his father or perhaps, grandfather, who was there to see his sister receive one of the merit awards. Walking alongside them to the chairs, I really needed to do something to break the silence, and my first most INANE question was to ask him whether or not he had a program, even though it was blatantly obvious that he did, since he was holding it in full view of everyone around. Still, I thank him for answering my question without staring at me like I was trying to be funny (because I wasn’t – I was desperate). Because the older man with him couldn’t quite walk properly, this led to us moving slower than usual, which meant even MORE conversation had to be made. My second question went something along the lines of asking him what he had come to watch (I could well see him holding in his hand the envelope received by all prize winners, but desperate measures call for weird questions). Again, he answered me very politely – thank goodness. It seemed like a never-ending journey from the bus bay to the flagpoles, but after a few more ridiculous questions (from me, of course. He merely answered), we arrived! Haha. Probably the most memorable thing about my first (and last) time ushering during National Day, other than the fact that I mistook a member of the staff for a parent (sigh, what’s new?); he sounded quite offended, actually.

Well, soon enough, the guest of honour arrived. Then it was time for the flag bearers to march towards the flagpoles with the national flag and the school flag. The familiar tune which they’ve marched to every year since I was in primary one began to boom over the loudspeakers, and that was when it hit me quite bad – that this was the last time I’d be standing there in my school uniform, being a part of the occasion. The loud booming beats are by no means a sad song, but I could swear my eyes felt kind of wet at that point. Thankfully at that precise moment, Mrs F Tan began her little speech, which she does every single year (and still, the only part of it I remember is that it ends with “One people. One nation. ONE, Singapore”) – that brought a small smile to my face. Sigh, the last time I may ever hear those same lines (said in the exact same way every time too, might I add).

Today was the first time I had such mixed feelings singing the National Anthem. It was almost poignant, like I was getting sworn in as the new prime minister or something, only not that great. I felt an inexplicable ecstasy, which I’m guessing was due to the fact that it was, after all, a celebration, meant to be happy. At the same time though, there was a peculiar heaviness in my heart…imagine what that’s going to feel like on the last day of school.

The march past was brilliant, and somehow had me wishing that I had a chance to be a part of it. Well technically I did, back in primary school, when I was a little brownie, except that while I was trying very hard to march in an all-important manner (like a mini NCC girl, or trying to be, at least) as the right-marker, the rest of the brownies were kind of strolling beside me. Very sad. I remember discussing with Li Choo whether she or I wanted to be the commander, haha. But of course it was her in the end! I would’ve been too scared to do anything, and I was really short, so I highly doubt the rest of the brownies would’ve given me time of day, had I tried yelling ‘DARI KIRI JEPAT JALAN’ (however it’s spelt) over the commotion of the celebrations and the beating of the drums. Even though the brownies weren’t, and still aren’t very good, it was definitely a fun experience (:

The performers were excellent too, and I’m really glad we didn’t get rained out like last year, and have to adjourn to the Shaw Hall. Then everything would’ve been different. I was praying really hard that it wouldn’t rain – my last National Day HAD to be spent on the field. Looks like that worked, because even the short drizzle soon cleared up, and not for one second did the celebrations stop. Grooving to the Chupa Chupa song (well that’s what it sounded like anyway) with Jean was so funny! Typical of what happens when two weird people come together and there’s a strange song playing in the background – HAHAHA.

But nothing could beat the singing of the four national day songs. REALLY. All the four GY-ians stood in a circle and we sang the songs so loudly, complete with hand actions and dance moves; we might as well have been the star attraction. We were crooning along with imaginary microphones (at least I was lah. It’s not a crime to make believe that I can sing, what!), pulsating (I love this word. It sounds so suggestive but it’s actually a nice, innocent word, which basically means to bob up and down to the music, like a, er, pulse), swaying from side to side and everything. Some were giggling non-stop, many others were laughing out loud – it was definitely a moment to remember; one that’ll go down in history! That was probably the point at which I felt the most ecstatic and also the most heavy-hearted. It was simply wonderful to see what a long way our class has come, from the bumbling, un-united bunch that we were at the beginning of last year, to the fiercely bonded group that we are now, and yet to know that this was one of the last things we would be doing together…I made the most of it, as did everyone else, I’m sure.

The Singapura cheer and the school cheer ended what was an extremely eventful morning. That marked the end of the day’s celebrations, and also ten years of celebrating National Day on SC ground for me.

This is my home
She’s everything to me
Grace and beauty
In all that you see
.
.
.
My home
Wherever I may be
I believe
You will always be a part of me

I’ll miss you, SCGS.