The Dust, It's Settling

Call it weird if you must - even I find it strange - how just as everything in the universe appears to be going well and good, and life is carrying you along in the fold of its waves, I stop. And think. And right there and then, I start having a little moment of reflection, all to myself. It's like the world stops spinning for a while and everything goes deathly silent, then it's just my wandering thoughts and me.

Since the start of the new school year, it's happened more than just a couple of times. I've experienced it, walking from one lecture or tutorial to the next, sitting in the void deck during breaks, shaking my legs in the hall while waiting for assembly to start, walking out of school. Today, the special moment hit me on the bus, as I was headed home.

It was a double decker bus, with the bottom deck empty when I first stepped in. Which reminds me, have I mentioned how much I love empty buses? There's just something wonderfully calming about sitting in an empty bus, particularly at night, when the street lights are on and cars are speeding home, their drivers rushing to be in time for a late dinner, the windows are up and you can feel the wind just slapping you mercilessly in the face (the smell of fumes really isn't all that pertinent when the bus driver decides to inch along the roads at a faster than normal pace), especially when TV Mobile (with its ridiculously stupid shows and advertisements) isn't disturbing the peace. It's extremely soothing, believe me. Well anyway, back to today, I got onto 74 at about 4 something in the afternoon (the first time in a LONG while I boarded a bus in the presence of natural light, after leaving school at around 9pm these past two weeks due to Drama and Dance rehearsals), and it felt great. It wasn't night time, certainly, and the windows weren't up, plus TV Mobile seemed rather bent on being loud and annoying. But there wasn't a single seat taken on the lower deck, so I chose what I've termed the anti-social seat - that's the one just after the second bus door, with the humpy thing on the left. It's anti-social (and I relish the fact that it is), because once I plop myself down into that single empty space, no one can come over and sit beside me. Honestly, I can't think of a more prime seat on a public bus; it might as well be labeled 'VIP'.

So there I was, sitting down, with my bag still hanging onto my shoulders, and the AC box file nicely settled onto my lap. Initially, I was getting a little perplexed with regards to keeping my legs together, so all poor souls getting onto 74 after me wouldn't have to be blinded by the bright light (haha, yeah sure) emitted by my pure white underwear. After patronising my coffeeshop for ten whole years, it's difficult and so terribly heart breaking to be told that I've got to close it down. I'm still in the process of trying, and boy is it one arduous process. Finally, after tucking my legs under the chair (it's the best way; I really couldn't think of another solution), I turned to look out the window, and realised (surprise, surprise!) that the sky was still bright. Then it dawned on me that this was Thursday, (currently, but not for long, I'm sure) rehearsal free day. And so the moment of reflection came, as I looked back on the past first three weeks of JC life.

Interruption: Yes, I guess that's supposed to be the part where I curl my legs under myself, close my eyes and start the whole 'ohmmmmm', meditation thing. But I doubt any bus driver would quite appreciate that, so though it was fabulous while it lasted, I've since scratched the idea.

Right. The past first three weeks of JC life.

Orientation (I never got further than blogging about Day One, did I). It was certainly an interesting experience, and while perhaps, I didn't so much require orientating in terms of where's what in the school compound, I now realise that I desperately needed (and still continue to desperately need) orientating in terms of people. I'm a sad and sorry loser when it comes to making friends. This is made even more obvious, me being in the same JC as Beverly, Jean and Jessica - social butterflies of the world. It's getting better though, saying 'hi' and smiling, but you know, it's rather tough to strike a good balance between being just friendly and being insanely and overly enthusiastic, so much so that it appears faked. See, I have to be suitably friendly, and that's a difficult task, if I ever had to handle one.

My class. I admit that I initially entered the classroom with more than a few prejudices, but since then, much has been cleared up and I'm so thankful for that. Imagine living two years (assuming I'm not thrown out the classroom door, or even better, the school gates, after getting back the O level results) in a class with certain people I've sworn that I'll hate for life. And that really is unchristian like behaviour. So I've made a good start with most classmates, and I believe we'll all continue to work out our differences and build on each other's strengths and weaknesses (ack! Talk about cliches).

My CCA.

Oh wait.

Make that my CCAs (with an 's' behind).

I'm currently in ACSian Theatre and Dance Society, and though I'm enjoying one more than the other (let's not specify, shall we?), I love them both. Really, I do. Auditions are madness, and I have to say that I absolutely hate them (geez, how do those American Idol wannabes do it?), but rehearsals are usually fun. For Dance, I'm involved in a performance on 3rd February, and it's a dance that's matched to every little kid's favourite High School Musical numbers. Now, as much as Disney Channel is my concubine (after my wife, she being Hong Kong drama serials), High School Musical songs can get REALLY grating on one's nerves. I enjoyed the show the first time I saw it. The second time, it wasn't too bad. But by the time the advertisement for the third screening started, followed by the sing-along edition, the dance-along edition and now (the latest and by far, the most downright stupid edition) the pop-up edition (where all these tiny, irritating fun fact boxes pop up all over the screen while the show's going on) came along, I was successfully cheesed off. Still though, the dance is fun, and I'm pretty darn sure, an excellent weight loss avenue, so all's good. In ACSian Theatre, we're currently preparing for the biggest production of 2007...(yes, a drumroll would be much appreciated)...WEST SIDE STORY! I mean, the sheer magnitude of a production like that! I'm still trying to take it in. Okay, sure, I know I'm just a namless individual who's mostly standing at the periphery, trying to get into character (tough work when you don't actually have one), occasionally prancing around, but truly, it's just the idea of being involved in such a production that thrills me.

But then of course, there's been the down side of the rehearsals. There are times when I've felt so freaking useless (it all starts with being inflexible, I tell you), so transparent, and at other times, a complete pain in someone else's butt. There are times I've felt sorely inadequate, then the times I've felt just plain lousy. And of course, those times I've wondered to myself - am I supposed to be here? Am I doing the right thing, involved in the right activity, to the right degree? I know there are those who are flying, soaring and simply excelling, and I'm trying to be really happy for them, but then I turn around and see those who are breaking, and it's hard. Very hard. (Cheer up, okay, Bev? Keep smiling!)

At the end of the day though? It's all part of God's plan for me, and like I've said a thousand times before, everything happens for a reason. So despite the inevitable crap, I'm still enjoying myself and having fun, and hey! The crap actually helps to keep things real. For now, the only remedy is prayer, prayer and more prayer.

Though I may actually need to go offline to do some Math tutorial work (or risk being called up again to answer a question I haven't a clue about, like on Tuesday) and to study for an Economics test.

I was so not cut out to be a Mathematician.

Or an Economist too, for that matter.