Panic Attack
Yup, a panic attack. That's what I had this morning (though not literally, of course), when I attempted to do an AMath prelim paper, only to realise that I couldn't do at least half the sums. And it was only paper one. I stared at one question for a whole ten minutes, sinking lower and lower into my chair with each passing second as my mind drew a blank on the laws of Differentiation, then decided to, as they always say, "move on to the next question", only then to be faced with the stunning revelation that I couldn't do that question either, so I had to move on to the next one, but I couldn't that one too, neither could I do the one after that. So basically, I kept "moving on to the next question" until there weren't anymore questions left for me to "move on to". It was sadly demoralising, and I'm sure I would've screamed and gone berserk if it didn't mean waking the whole house up. Which reminds me of a little anecdote my mom was relating to me the other day, of this story that went round when she was in the university, about a girl, who after stepping into the exam hall and looking through her exam paper, screamed and ran out of the hall, then tore through the whole of campus, STRIPPING as she ran - in other words, she'd gone completely psychotic. Imagine if that happened in SC; now wouldn't that be a sight.
So this morning's horrifying experience with the AMath paper has made me realise, that as much as I believe that I may have done at least some studying, and so shouldn't be all that unprepared for the impending Prelim exams, I'm NOT prepared. Nope. Not at all.
I think I've studied about excretion and the whole process of formation of urine, then my mom asks me this question, over lunch, no less, about how would drinking lots of water after having a dye injected into her veins enable it to be passed out in her urine. So there I am, calmly eating my terriyaki chicken and rice, and after that, for the rest of lunch, all I can do is press my brain really hard to try and remember all that stuff about nephrons and glomerular filtrate and what have you. Then my brother proceeds to ask me something about mutations and changes in chromosome number - a question in his Secondary ONE Science paper (like, what???) - and I stare at the question...attempt to process...and finally give him an answer, five whole minutes later. And we all know I'm not going to have FIVE minutes to answer ONE MCQ question for the Biology prelim paper. I'm as good as dead.
Then driving over to my aunt's place, my dad starts asking me about how the exams are coming along and what papers are on after the holidays, then says, in this tone suggesting that he's very sure of himself, "Oh, but you've studied everything at least twice over or more, right." And I immediately shut up. Running through my mind at this point, are the big bold words, Electrolysis, Energy Changes, Trigonometry, Relative Velocity, Kinematics, EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. OF. HISTORY. and many others (if I could at least recall the name of the chapter, in the first place) that I have yet to touch - literally, touch.
It's slowly dawning on me that I have one week left till all the papers come crashing down on me, one after the other (sometimes even two in a day), and that maybe, just maybe, my target isn't so much in view anymore. I mean, I WANT good grades, all A1s if possible (who doesn't?), but just WANTING doesn't mean I'm going to GET them. So I have to work for the grades, but while I'm trying, there's just so many other things that are getting in the way that I can't help but not be able to lay my hands on those books. Take now, for example, I'm due to leave the house for a church gathering (like ten minutes ago), just after I had tuition this morning followed by a family lunch. I didn't actually intend to go for the church gathering, due to the fact that it's a gathering with my 10.30 Sunday School group, when I'm actually closer to my 8.30 Cell group (scary logistics of church session timings), but because of a friend of mine who really wants to go, I'm being nice and going along too. It's going to last beyond dinner, so if my eyes are still open when I get home, then great. If not though, then that's a whole day gone.
I'm getting really, really, REALLY freaked out now, and I really, really, REALLY want to do well.
Yes.
I have to.
So this morning's horrifying experience with the AMath paper has made me realise, that as much as I believe that I may have done at least some studying, and so shouldn't be all that unprepared for the impending Prelim exams, I'm NOT prepared. Nope. Not at all.
I think I've studied about excretion and the whole process of formation of urine, then my mom asks me this question, over lunch, no less, about how would drinking lots of water after having a dye injected into her veins enable it to be passed out in her urine. So there I am, calmly eating my terriyaki chicken and rice, and after that, for the rest of lunch, all I can do is press my brain really hard to try and remember all that stuff about nephrons and glomerular filtrate and what have you. Then my brother proceeds to ask me something about mutations and changes in chromosome number - a question in his Secondary ONE Science paper (like, what???) - and I stare at the question...attempt to process...and finally give him an answer, five whole minutes later. And we all know I'm not going to have FIVE minutes to answer ONE MCQ question for the Biology prelim paper. I'm as good as dead.
Then driving over to my aunt's place, my dad starts asking me about how the exams are coming along and what papers are on after the holidays, then says, in this tone suggesting that he's very sure of himself, "Oh, but you've studied everything at least twice over or more, right." And I immediately shut up. Running through my mind at this point, are the big bold words, Electrolysis, Energy Changes, Trigonometry, Relative Velocity, Kinematics, EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. OF. HISTORY. and many others (if I could at least recall the name of the chapter, in the first place) that I have yet to touch - literally, touch.
It's slowly dawning on me that I have one week left till all the papers come crashing down on me, one after the other (sometimes even two in a day), and that maybe, just maybe, my target isn't so much in view anymore. I mean, I WANT good grades, all A1s if possible (who doesn't?), but just WANTING doesn't mean I'm going to GET them. So I have to work for the grades, but while I'm trying, there's just so many other things that are getting in the way that I can't help but not be able to lay my hands on those books. Take now, for example, I'm due to leave the house for a church gathering (like ten minutes ago), just after I had tuition this morning followed by a family lunch. I didn't actually intend to go for the church gathering, due to the fact that it's a gathering with my 10.30 Sunday School group, when I'm actually closer to my 8.30 Cell group (scary logistics of church session timings), but because of a friend of mine who really wants to go, I'm being nice and going along too. It's going to last beyond dinner, so if my eyes are still open when I get home, then great. If not though, then that's a whole day gone.
I'm getting really, really, REALLY freaked out now, and I really, really, REALLY want to do well.
Yes.
I have to.
posted by les @ 3:56 PM
2 Comments:
At 4:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
oh man!! that thing with your brother is exactly what happens to me with my sister when she asks me about chinese!!! only worse. cauz i'll take super long to read the whole thing, and i read out loud, so when i read wrongly she'll correct me and say something like 'wah! how can you not know that word??'. i am a very sad case. anyway, about bio, try doing the FYS if you need a confidence boost. it's damn easy. don't freak out. (speaking of which, your mother's story is very very cool!!) then it's do or die, so... yes. but i'm sure you'll do just fine (if not great). everyone will be dying to moderate up for you. haha.
At 11:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
yes lesley. i completely agree with you. i'm freakazoiding too. and i don't even have neat handwriting YET. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH/ hghaha you were great during ah beng day though! and thanks for the birthday greeting on e class blog! (:
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