The Results...and Beyond

Well, all the confirmed results are finally in. Those we've been working hard for, and crossing our fingers and praying about. I wouldn't say I'm extremely thrilled, neither am I sorely disappointed with them. There are those papers I'm pretty pleased with, like both Science practicals, which even though were far from what one would classify as 'good!' with a little sticker, stamp or smiley face beside the awarded mark, were still relatively acceptable, in my opinion. With the way I felt I had performed in the lab, those are some marks I really have to be thankful for. Then there were the not-so-pleasing marks for subjects like AMath, Literature and History (to think I'm still planning on taking Arts in JC next year - oh, the irony). I barely scraped an A1 for AMath (wouldn't have if it wasn't for that wonderful thing known as rounding up) - a 1 that I desperately needed, and it was only by sifting through the paper about four or five times, in an attempt to scrounge up a couple more marks that I managed it. For Literature, I'm obviously not the only one who wasn't pleased with my performance, judging from how one teacher questioned me about the grade I attained, even telling me that "on a bad hair day" (hahahahaha - if you don't know why I'm laughing, don't ask), I shouldn't be getting that kind of mark. I really don't know about that, since to me, Literature is a very subjective thing. Person A could love your essay to bits, but B may just as easily think it's the worst piece of work to ever see the light. In other words, which way my Lit O's swing, while it does depend on me bucking up in my studying of the set texts and actually having more than just basic knowledge of 'Twelfth Night', really concerns those lovely old men known as THE CAMBRIDGE MARKERS (who as we now know, after doing a certain June'06 paper, are secretly a bunch of horny, deprived oldies who enjoy thinking about people "walking naked in the sun"). According to Miss Tan, our History grade this time round is a realistic reflection of how we're likely to do at the O's (explaining why in all evilness, they aren't planning on moderating), which means that Mr Cambridge, like Mrs Wang, is also going to give me a 4 upon 13 for my essay, resulting in a very sad thing called a B4. Which reminds me that Combined Humanities is truly one of the banes of my existence - what's the use of doing well in Social Studies when I close to flunked History? And still I'm thinking of doing Arts next year. I believe the Prelims have damaged my brain and removed all trace of logical thinking.

There's still a good month and a half to JC application, but it seems to be the thing on everyone's mind right now, including mine. When I was young and lacking in brains (still am, but the condition was worse then), distance from the JC to my house was, I felt, the most importance consideration in making a choice. Thus I promised myself that if I didn't go the JC opposite my place, it'd be the one down the road. For quite a long time, I really set my mind on it, that without a doubt, it'd be one or the other. Turns out things aren't all that simple, i.e. grades matter. Anyhow, the JC down the road has since been dropped from my list of considerations - I do believe they were the only JC that managed, in their talk, to actually make themselves sound rather unappealing, which is quite sad, because I think it definitely is a sound choice for an institute of higher learning, and I've heard from some of its ex-students that it really is a nice place. At present, three JCs are weighing on my mind. That's a lot, considering that ultimately I won't be going to three JCs (much as that might sound pretty exciting), but one.

There's the JC opposite my house; the one which people are referring to when they say, "You look like a ______ person!" - a scary thought, because that's as good as saying, "You look like you write Chinese poetry in your free time and spout lots of Chinese idioms on long and boring bus rides!", and yes, I get a lot of people telling me that I look like a future student of theirs. Do I really? How is it possible for me to look like I'm from there? Okay, you know what? Don't answer that. Well, really, the thing about this JC is that they don't offer Theatre Studies, so I'd have to take History (the B4 is haunting me) if I choose to do Arts. Then again, whoever said I'd do well in Theatre Studies? That's right - no one.

Then there's the JC, which together with the one aforementioned, is reputedly home of the smartest of Singapore's future leaders. I've never actually seriously considered this JC, until they did their talk last week (which just proves how these talks, rather than help me make a choice, have actually given me even more potential JCs to go to - a headache inducing problem). The talk was pretty good, as it made them seem very wholesome, and the atmosphere there, contrary to popular belief, not stressful. No, wait. Scratch that. I meant not that stressful, so if you're smart, you'll survive well, and if you aren't, then well...uh, good luck. I'm going to need tons of that luck if I go there, but the thing is, they now offer Theatre Studies! So it's more or less good bye to History if I do go there (and get in)! But there's the very real danger of sinking and getting lost amongst all the big brains.

Finally, there's the JC that's in the same family as my younger brother's school; the one that is known for mini skirts (well, they can't stop me if I decide to wear it knee-length or ankle-length, even) and 'angmoh-fied' people. As much as many didn't have too great an impression of this school initially, I think all will have to admit that they did the best talk by far, and I do believe, successfully bought over a considerable number of us Secondary Four girls. This JC has always been on my list, regardless of what some have said to me about how I should go somewhere better and all that, because aside from the fact that they offer a well established Drama Elective Programme and have an excellent theatre group, their values, beliefs and principles are things I believe strongly in, and it's comforting to know that if I do decide to go there (and if I get in subsequently), that'll I'll be mostly surrounded by like minded individuals.

At this point, I really can't say for sure where I'm headed (all three JCs are in different directions too, I realised!). Hopefully the upcoming open houses will help in this making of a tough decision which will determine my lifelong happiness. Or at least, the next two years of it.

For now, I'm trying very hard to adjust back to the life of a studying teenage student - one who's finding it very hard to stay awake at her table, who wakes up at 5am with the ringing of her alarm clock, intending to get some studying done, turns it off and plops back to bed with no memory of the incident afterwards, who appears to have lost the simple skill of memorising and regurgitating, who can't seem to remember any information studied as long as it was more than an hour ago, who's really really really scared that she'll screw her O's up, making her one of the few weird students who'd be remembered as having performed better at the Prelims than at the O levels, and being kicked out of the original JC after the first three months, who really wants to improve in all her subjects but somehow just can't, and who's surrounded by people who are all working harder than her.

Welcome to my life.